Often in life, some of us see through the lens of trying to please others, trying to gain attention, or trying to be important. When this happens we lose sight of the most important person to please that is ourselves! I believe that focusing your efforts, energy and priorities on yourself first, is the key to unlocking the power of love for your own self.
I lived so many years of my life trying to please others and live up to other people’s expectations of me. I was simply trying to impress for no other reason than to feel important. I never realized that importance comes from your own self, when you live up to the expectations you create for yourself. I wish I would have realized this at a younger age.
I never had a clue of how to create expectations for myself. I was just too absorbed in thinking that the only way to be important was to have others think highly about me. I now realize that each and every one of us has some level of insecurities, challenges, fears and idiosyncrasies that we bring to the table.
I now realize that we don’t have to prove anything to anyone but ourselves. We don’t have to be a puppet for anyone; we don’t have to be anyone’s sidekick if we don’t truly want to be. We can just be ourselves, the people we want to be without having any desire of approval from anybody else.
When I was in college, in my freshman year I often sought approval of my peers. There was a person that used to give me a mental boost, I realize now that I sought his approval. He had me wrapped around his fingers. At the end of graduation, our so called friendship ended, I was used.
This scenario is not new by any means. People use people every day, but why do certain individuals succumb to the unknown dangers of being used and hurt. It could be our past relationships of rejection, our childhood, or the times we felt neglected by others, or the sad moments in school where we were made fun of. When impressing others we felt we had the chance to feel important to someone again. As I’ve learned there are many reasons we can be used but the most relevant reason is the fact that we don’t know our own priceless value.
This reason is one of the most profound reasons I have been hurt in life. I didn’t know my own value, I didn’t live up to myself because I didn’t know how to. The hurts of the past were so deep that I lost confidence in myself, or perhaps I never really had the “true” confidence that I know is possible.
The hard working love “ethic” I’ve learned now, through meditation, relaxation, and peace has changed my life. The small consistent attempts of bringing joy, peace, and love to myself comes from calm confidence I gain every day.
How do we understand our own value without being concerned about anyone else? Our own intrinsic value comes from the depth and purity of love we were bestowed with upon our birth. The circumstances of our years of growing up, being conditioned, or facing hurtful situations tainted our own image of ourselves, to ourselves.
I believe it sometimes takes failure, suffering and challenging experiences to truly understand our own value. If we don’t know the bad, how can we recognize the good. If all the feelings we’ve ever had are positive then how would we know what we’re made of, or what type of adversity we are capable of facing, especially in times of intense pain.
Today, the need for my own approval and love for myself is a cherished treasure. My own love for myself is one of the causes of why I intend to not fall in the trap of being used again. I expect the best out of me, I’m trying to give my best to myself now, and try my hardest to live up to my own expectations. Life is too short, to not try your best and live up to what you’re capable of. Free yourself from your past and live on gracefully with love in the future.